"Perhaps I have taken these arguments a little personally..." I feel like the twin accusation of "don't take things so personally" is the accusation of taking things "too seriously," something I long-ago internalized about myself.
Except then I had a therapist and autism assessor push back when she heard those words fall out of my mouth. She told me that, when things like communication *take cognitive effort* because of how your brain is wired, is it not, in fact, that you are taking things too seriously, but simply that your brain does not do these things casually, automatically, or without a great deal of labor. It may look in such a way that opens itself up to that kind of judgment, but it's just a neutral reality of a certain kind of brain's processing style.
Plus I think ALL the time about that scene from You've Got Mail where Meg Ryan's character says, "I mean, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."
Marta, thank you, as always, for your thoughts. You mention a shift in body size; if you have specific clothing needs, one of my great joys is thrifting, and I would be honored and delighted to look for pieces to send your way, my treat. If you’re interested, let me know, and we can talk specifics! But of course, no pressure.
Hi Liesel! Thank you so much for this really kind and generous offer. Oh my! I think at some point I would love to take you up on this, when I am seeking more specific things in my wardrobe. The problem for me is that I have very specific and quirky clothing sensitivities, and it’s often really hard to find things that both fit and feel ok. Right now I’m just working on adding a few inches to the waistband of my stretch pants, and repurposing the fabric from old clothes to make loose-fitting dresses—which is pretty much all I wear! But again thank you so much, I really will keep this in mind!
Totally understandable! My kiddos and I also have specific sensory needs—and aesthetic parameters!—so I understand the difficulty of finding the “needles in the haystack” of suitable clothing. Cheering you on in your refashioning efforts, and let me know if you do ever want me to keep an eye out for anything!
I had never thought of these kinds of opinions being so... othering? I've *had* that opinion before, but less targeted at others and more at myself. I always worry I'm not doing enough in every aspect of my life, and get more and more tired. Like this:
"It’s not enough to tear things down; we need to also be growing gardens in the rubble. Literal gardens, but also metaphorical ones."
Feels like the good kind of gut punch, honestly. I needed that.
I’m so glad it speaks to you. Right before I pushed publish I mumbled to myself, “I hope this isn’t stupid.” I never know, so thanks for commenting. ♥️🌀
Wow, excellent meditation. Have you read "The sick woman" by Johanna Hedva? I think your argument about staying in bed is a sort of conversation with Hedva's essay because Yes, disability is an way of life; however not in capitalist sense, how did you say. So I agree with you: being in life, trying to refuse easiest or selfishnest way is a kind of resistence.
BRILLIANT! Yes, yes, yes.
"Perhaps I have taken these arguments a little personally..." I feel like the twin accusation of "don't take things so personally" is the accusation of taking things "too seriously," something I long-ago internalized about myself.
Except then I had a therapist and autism assessor push back when she heard those words fall out of my mouth. She told me that, when things like communication *take cognitive effort* because of how your brain is wired, is it not, in fact, that you are taking things too seriously, but simply that your brain does not do these things casually, automatically, or without a great deal of labor. It may look in such a way that opens itself up to that kind of judgment, but it's just a neutral reality of a certain kind of brain's processing style.
Plus I think ALL the time about that scene from You've Got Mail where Meg Ryan's character says, "I mean, whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."
Marta, thank you, as always, for your thoughts. You mention a shift in body size; if you have specific clothing needs, one of my great joys is thrifting, and I would be honored and delighted to look for pieces to send your way, my treat. If you’re interested, let me know, and we can talk specifics! But of course, no pressure.
Hi Liesel! Thank you so much for this really kind and generous offer. Oh my! I think at some point I would love to take you up on this, when I am seeking more specific things in my wardrobe. The problem for me is that I have very specific and quirky clothing sensitivities, and it’s often really hard to find things that both fit and feel ok. Right now I’m just working on adding a few inches to the waistband of my stretch pants, and repurposing the fabric from old clothes to make loose-fitting dresses—which is pretty much all I wear! But again thank you so much, I really will keep this in mind!
Totally understandable! My kiddos and I also have specific sensory needs—and aesthetic parameters!—so I understand the difficulty of finding the “needles in the haystack” of suitable clothing. Cheering you on in your refashioning efforts, and let me know if you do ever want me to keep an eye out for anything!
this resonates so deeply and is exactly where my mind has been lately
I had never thought of these kinds of opinions being so... othering? I've *had* that opinion before, but less targeted at others and more at myself. I always worry I'm not doing enough in every aspect of my life, and get more and more tired. Like this:
"It’s not enough to tear things down; we need to also be growing gardens in the rubble. Literal gardens, but also metaphorical ones."
Feels like the good kind of gut punch, honestly. I needed that.
thank you, needed to read this
Thank you for letting me know!
💞🥹 I feel like this was written straight to my soul.
I’m so glad it speaks to you. Right before I pushed publish I mumbled to myself, “I hope this isn’t stupid.” I never know, so thanks for commenting. ♥️🌀
Thanks for writing this. I’m just finding this so I missed your workshops. Any chance you are selling the recordings or plan to repeat them?
Wow, excellent meditation. Have you read "The sick woman" by Johanna Hedva? I think your argument about staying in bed is a sort of conversation with Hedva's essay because Yes, disability is an way of life; however not in capitalist sense, how did you say. So I agree with you: being in life, trying to refuse easiest or selfishnest way is a kind of resistence.