Practice, patience, pleasure, and peer support are ways out of that shame. Plus an update on Neuroqueering Your Creative Practice—and Jesse Meadows interviewed me!
Such a beautiful and liberating piece to read. I love ‘Creativity nurtures creativity—nothing you start and then abandon is ever wasted’ - I think that is so true.
I flipping love this! We are in need of permission to abandon projects. Sometime just the process is enough, we don't have to reach the end goal, especially if there is learning along the way. I need to take my own medicine though and remind myself of this! I am currently dabbling in a new project and I don't want to just let it slip away so I need to find the balance.
I find it difficult to walk my own talk sometimes too, but everything that goes around comes around, both the good and the bad. When I’m having an insecure, anxious, self-critical patch I remind myself that this too shall pass. I’m so glad you’re dabbling and enjoying the process!
“The shame of having nothing to show for all that teeming brilliance can feel unbearable.”
I feel this deeply. How can I have so many brilliant ideas and produce next to nothing?
This morning I woke up, checked my email but didn’t open any of them, put my phone down and had some quiet thinking time while my kid watched kids youtube on the ipad next to me. Then I got up and wrote a poem about letting go of the shame of unfinished projects. When I came back to my email and read this article I was amazed by the synchronicity. Was I influenced by the subject line? Maybe. I was certainly influenced by your concept of spiral time.
And I am inspired enough to publish the poem on my website instead of letting it languish with all the other drafts 😅
Thanks for your work, this is the motivation I need to buy a sub even though I don’t like supporting substack
I think all inspiration and creativity is ultimately relational! I inspire you, you inspire me, and round and round it goes! I’d love to know where your poem is published if you feel open to sharing!
I’m new to your writing- thank you for this! Can I ask something basic & forgive me if this is simplistic: is it common amongst neurodivergent people to not finish projects? I am thinking of the impact this can have on families for example, when the unfinished project is not a creative initiative but the re-do of the family bathroom, the new garden patio, painting the bedroom..? I grew up in a house of chronically unfinished segments with a parent who still says he’ll ‘get round to it’ and gets angry if challenged..
Yes, I do think this is very common for neurodivergent people. I also think that shame becomes its own avoidance mechanism—we feel shame for not finishing something, and then the thought of taking it up again stirs up the shame and we naturally want to avoid that feeling because it’s so toxic. And I do suspect that your father’s anger is an outward manifestation of his shame, it’s a defense strategy in the face of a really terrible, toxic emotion.
Thank you for replying! My father has never sought diagnosis - would ridicule the idea - but there are so many signs that lead me to suspect he is masking a level of neurodivergence.. your post really jumped out at me this morning & resonated!
Thank you. It felt so good to read this piece. I’m in the process of realizing that every abandoned project is actually NOT a waste of time, and it was so validating. I’m joining the workshops in October and I just can’t wait. It’s the first time I feel seen about my shame and anxiety. Thank you SO MUCH.
I also think it's helpful to allow ourselves to view projects as non-linear. We might not be necessarily dropping them forever, but a lot of important processing happens when we're not looking directly at the thing. Many of the things I thought of as 'abandoned' in the past I now consider dormant opportunities, ready for me to take back up if I choose to later on down the line.
I used to own a ring that had the phrase 'rien n'est jamais fini pour toujours' printed on it - nothing's ever over forever. We're horizontal, vertical, diagonal and circular, not linear, and there's so much beauty in the expansiveness of that <3
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I made a YouTube video on a similar subject - the tension between the potency of my ideas and the struggle to express them in a way that gives me any satisfaction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRcCbraJZEk&t=66s. Then I gave up on making YouTube videos and spent a while working through the shame! Very here for this ride.
Q: Will you be hosting this course again? Would love to attend but not sure I have the bandwidth for the autumn.
Such a beautiful and liberating piece to read. I love ‘Creativity nurtures creativity—nothing you start and then abandon is ever wasted’ - I think that is so true.
Yes, it is. And thank you for being so inspiring to me, Ali. I appreciate you!
I flipping love this! We are in need of permission to abandon projects. Sometime just the process is enough, we don't have to reach the end goal, especially if there is learning along the way. I need to take my own medicine though and remind myself of this! I am currently dabbling in a new project and I don't want to just let it slip away so I need to find the balance.
I find it difficult to walk my own talk sometimes too, but everything that goes around comes around, both the good and the bad. When I’m having an insecure, anxious, self-critical patch I remind myself that this too shall pass. I’m so glad you’re dabbling and enjoying the process!
I totally get this! Go the dabbling!
“The shame of having nothing to show for all that teeming brilliance can feel unbearable.”
I feel this deeply. How can I have so many brilliant ideas and produce next to nothing?
This morning I woke up, checked my email but didn’t open any of them, put my phone down and had some quiet thinking time while my kid watched kids youtube on the ipad next to me. Then I got up and wrote a poem about letting go of the shame of unfinished projects. When I came back to my email and read this article I was amazed by the synchronicity. Was I influenced by the subject line? Maybe. I was certainly influenced by your concept of spiral time.
And I am inspired enough to publish the poem on my website instead of letting it languish with all the other drafts 😅
Thanks for your work, this is the motivation I need to buy a sub even though I don’t like supporting substack
I think all inspiration and creativity is ultimately relational! I inspire you, you inspire me, and round and round it goes! I’d love to know where your poem is published if you feel open to sharing!
I’m new to your writing- thank you for this! Can I ask something basic & forgive me if this is simplistic: is it common amongst neurodivergent people to not finish projects? I am thinking of the impact this can have on families for example, when the unfinished project is not a creative initiative but the re-do of the family bathroom, the new garden patio, painting the bedroom..? I grew up in a house of chronically unfinished segments with a parent who still says he’ll ‘get round to it’ and gets angry if challenged..
Yes, I do think this is very common for neurodivergent people. I also think that shame becomes its own avoidance mechanism—we feel shame for not finishing something, and then the thought of taking it up again stirs up the shame and we naturally want to avoid that feeling because it’s so toxic. And I do suspect that your father’s anger is an outward manifestation of his shame, it’s a defense strategy in the face of a really terrible, toxic emotion.
Thank you for replying! My father has never sought diagnosis - would ridicule the idea - but there are so many signs that lead me to suspect he is masking a level of neurodivergence.. your post really jumped out at me this morning & resonated!
Thank you. It felt so good to read this piece. I’m in the process of realizing that every abandoned project is actually NOT a waste of time, and it was so validating. I’m joining the workshops in October and I just can’t wait. It’s the first time I feel seen about my shame and anxiety. Thank you SO MUCH.
Brilliant piece of writing, I love it
Thank you!!
I liked it so much I translated it in French (sharing just in case : https://systemececilia.wordpress.com/2024/08/18/la-honte-dabandonner-des-projets/)
How lovely! Can I edit the post and put this at the end?
please do, the words are yours, I hope they reach more people
I also think it's helpful to allow ourselves to view projects as non-linear. We might not be necessarily dropping them forever, but a lot of important processing happens when we're not looking directly at the thing. Many of the things I thought of as 'abandoned' in the past I now consider dormant opportunities, ready for me to take back up if I choose to later on down the line.
I used to own a ring that had the phrase 'rien n'est jamais fini pour toujours' printed on it - nothing's ever over forever. We're horizontal, vertical, diagonal and circular, not linear, and there's so much beauty in the expansiveness of that <3
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I made a YouTube video on a similar subject - the tension between the potency of my ideas and the struggle to express them in a way that gives me any satisfaction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRcCbraJZEk&t=66s. Then I gave up on making YouTube videos and spent a while working through the shame! Very here for this ride.
Q: Will you be hosting this course again? Would love to attend but not sure I have the bandwidth for the autumn.